for this we were made

"That's why women were created," she said in her address, "To complete man."

It was a bridal shower, so I understand why she said this. After all, did not God make Adam and then Eve? Did not Solomon say that he who finds a wife finds a "good thing"?

But I also do not understand why she said this, why she–a woman in ministry who loves the Lord–would say and believe that a woman's primary God-given task is something unatainable for many. I don't understand why glorifying God through marriage was not instead mentioned.

If she were right, how could I worship my Lord? How could I make a difference for the Kingdom?

tactless women

"How's your job going?" she asked me, holding her giggling baby, looking down despite her stature.

"Me?"

She nodded.

"Oh, I'm in school."

"You are? Where? … I didn't know that!"

[Small talk with group, then she turned to me.]

"So how old are you?"

I laughed. "Uh, 23."

"You are!?" Shocked, horrified, can-you-understand-what-this-means? look on her face.

"23 isn't old!" I said, somewhat condescendingly.

"Wow, you're really getting older, aren't you?" And her look said what many have thought: without marriage, you're incomplete.

What happened to Colossians?  

wedding bells

Went to a bridal shower tonight. Lots of women, lots of marriage-talk, lots of oohing and aahing. I'm happy for the bride; she used to be a good friend of mine. But as I listened to all the discussions about married life, I couldn't help feeling left out, forgotten, alone.

Then I talked to a friend on the phone, about nothing really, but she's single. Then I talked to a friend online, and she shared some of the same thoughts and fears. I'm not really alone–that's just a lie from Satan. And being married isn't the ultimate joy or happiness–being with Jesus is. I've got all I need. He's enough. 

frazzled and stressed: forgetting Jehovah-Jireh

My summer opportunities keep falling through, and I'm left, now, with no options. I have no internship; the IRD position isn't available anymore; I'm unqualified for any well-paying temp position.

So with all my theological training, all my knowledge and relationship with the Holy One, I sit here worried out of my mind. I sit here thinking about money and comparing myself to other people. 

Lord, I know you have a specific, tangible plan for my life. You love me–you predestined me to be your child, you sent Jesus to die for me, you give me opportunities to serve you, and you will never fail me. Please provide for my summer, God. Please provide a job or an internship or something. I need direction.

solitude

And sometimes it hits me that I'm really alone. Though I have an amazing Savior, caring parents, and great acquaintances through church and school, there's a part of my heart that just aches for companionship. Every now and then I get this desperate thought: will I be alone forever? Am I not going to be blessed with children? Because though it's ok if I'm not, at the moments of realization, it's like I can't breathe.

baptism

Standing in front of a body of Believers, about to be immersed in water, people acquire a sense of transparency, I think. Their words and thoughts turn upward and valuable.

And the symbolism, the commitment of it all gets me emotional. During "I Will Know Him," my eyes filled with tears to think of Jesus. During a couple's testimonies, I was repetitively wiping my eyes.

"Buried in the likeness of his death; raised in the newness of his ressurection." Amen and amen.

Baptized and shiny.